When was the last time that you wept with someone who was weeping? When was the last time that you inwardly jumped for joy because someone else in the church was rejoicing? This is the second article in our series Church as it Should Be. We are in 1 Peter 3:8, where Peter tells us what all Christians should be: ‘Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.’ This article focuses on ‘sympathy’ and ‘a tender heart’—two qualities that ought to characterise us and be visible to a watching world. Let’s consider first, what they mean, then why we are not like this, and finally what we can do about it.

1. What Does It Mean to Have Sympathy and a Tender Heart?

Sympathy

We get our English word ‘sympathy’ from the Greek word sympathēs which means to ‘feel with’ someone. This differs from how the English word is used today. When we say, ‘Oh, I sympathise with you,’ we tend to mean, ‘I feel sorry for you.’ But the meaning of the Greek word goes further than that.

To have ‘sympathy’ is to feel (to some degree) what someone else is experiencing. You don’t just see the suffering, but you experience it inwardly with the other person. You feel joy when others are rejoicing and sorrow when they’re mourning.

This means that Christians are not to be dispassionate professionals. We’re not like the army general who’s unmoved by the suffering of his soldiers. We’re to be people who feel what others feel.

A Tender Heart

Peter arranged this list intentionally so that there are two pairs of qualities surrounding one which is at the heart of them all (see: last week’s article). When that is understood, ‘a tender heart’ pairs with ‘sympathy,’ and they both have almost the same meaning. “A tender heart” is a translation of just one Greek word eusplanchnoi, which (literally translated) means to have ‘good guts’ towards someone. This is how ancient people used to talk about their feelings. And we can understand why: we can describe bad news as a gut punch; anxiety can make you sick to your stomach; feeling love or nerves can be expressed as having butterflies in your stomach. Just like ‘sympathy’, to have ‘a tender heart’ means you feel what others feel. You don’t simply talk about it, or pray about it, but you feel it in your guts.

The opposite of this is illustrated in Psalm 119:70. In this verse, the psalmist is complaining about people who were giving him grief while he was suffering. He says, ‘Their heart is unfeeling like fat.’ The suffering of others leaves them unmoved. It’s like a blow that’s just absorbed by an enormous layer of fat (think Kung Fu Panda). But that shouldn’t be the case for us! We should feel people’s pain to some degree. The reality however, is that we are often ourselves quite numb to other people’s suffering. Why is that?

2. Why Are We Not Like This?

What’s going wrong when we struggle to feel as others feel? There are many sins that contribute to this problem, but to cut straight to the heart of the matter, it’s always a lack of Christlikeness. If you’re not feeling with others, you need to become more like Jesus. There are so many wonderful examples in the Bible of Jesus being sympathetic and tender-hearted! Let’s consider a few:

The Leper (Mark 1:40-41)

‘And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, ‘If you will, you can make me clean.’’ Maybe those words don’t leap off the page to you as they did for a 1st-century reader. They would’ve understood this very important detail: Lepers don’t come to you. When a leper went anywhere, they were supposed to say, ‘Unclean, unclean,’ and everyone else either told them to get away or ran away. You don’t go near them. You don’t have anything to do with them because whatever a leper touches becomes unclean.

Yet here we have a leper coming to Jesus. How does he react? Mark 1:41 says Jesus was ‘moved with pity’. And, in response to the leper’s request, he ‘stretched out his hand and touched him and said, ‘I will; be clean.’’ Jesus, feeling it in his guts, was moved by this man’s condition. This is what ‘sympathy’ and ‘a tender heart’ looks like.

His Tired Disciples and the Hungry Crowds – Mark 6:31-34

We see another example of Jesus’ sympathy and tender heart in Mark 6:31. His disciples were so busy ministering to the masses that they had had no time to eat. They were exhausted. So, Jesus took them by boat to a desolate place. And the crowds following him figured out where he was going. And in Mark 6:34 it says, ‘when he went ashore he saw a great crowd.’

What do you think Jesus’ reaction was? What would yours be? Would you say, ‘Not again! I thought I came here to rest!’ When Jesus saw the crowd, it says, ‘he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things.’ And then, when it got late, Jesus didn’t say, ‘Well, that’s it. We’re done for the day.’ No! Jesus was still concerned about their welfare and ended up feeding the crowd of 5,000 before he was done (Mark 6:41-44). Why would he react that way? Because he’s sympathetic and tender-hearted!

Healing the Masses and A Request to Pray for More Gospel Labourers – Matthew 9:35-38

Matthew 9:35-38 says, ‘Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore, pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.’

When he saw the crowds, he didn’t say there was too much need. We may read something really sad on a message group, and excuse a lack of sympathy by saying, ‘Nobody can feel that much! I can’t enter into all of that. There’s just too much to take in!’ But then there is Jesus! He was sympathetic and tender-hearted, even towards the crowds with their many needs. He saw the plight of the lost in Jerusalem, and wept over them (Luke 19:41-44).

The Sympathy and Tender-heartedness of Christ in Philippians 2

Even in heaven, Jesus’ sympathy and tender-heartedness existed toward us.

Christ in heaven decided to come down to save you because when he saw you in your wretchedness he didn’t say, ‘Well, you know, that’s tough, but I’ve got other things going on here. I’m kind of busy here taking care of the universe.’ No, he emptied himself and came down and went to the cross. What motivated him to do that? A humility that lowered himself for the sake of his tender-hearted, sympathetic disposition towards us.

In calling us to be ‘sympathetic’ and to have ‘a tender heart,’ 1 Peter 3:8 is telling us that we must be more like Jesus. As Christians, we should be copies of Christ. The world should be able to look at the church and see the sympathy and tender-heartedness that epitomises Jesus.

3. What Can We Do About It?

If you aren’t weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15) and detect that you’re ‘unfeeling like fat’ (Psalm 119:70), what should you do about it?

1. Converted?

First of all, ask yourself: Am I converted? If you’ve not been born again, you can’t become like Christ in his sympathy and tender-heartedness—because you’re not one of his children. Start at the very beginning by coming to him as an unworthy wretched sinner in repentance and faith. That’s where every Christian life truly begins. Christ isn’t looking for gradual self-improvement; that’s not how anyone is saved from their sins. The entrance into the Christian life is repentance and faith in what Jesus has done on the cross on your behalf. To grow in Christlikeness, you must first be converted.

2. Confess your sin

Maybe you are converted. But as we’ve considered the examples of Jesus’ sympathy and tender-heartedness earlier in this article, you’ve begun to see how incredibly hard-hearted and self-absorbed you still are. What should you do? Repent! The Holy Spirit, who indwells all true believers, convicts us of our sin, showing us our pride and self-centredness. If you’ve been convicted by the Spirit, confess these things to God as sins, forsake them and commit to being other-focused instead of self-focused.

3. Continue gazing at the glory of Christ

2 Corinthians 3:18 says that as we behold the glory of the Lord ‘we are transformed into the same image.’ How do you gaze at the glory of Christ? Go to the Gospels! Read and find out how Jesus dealt with the sick and sorrowing. Look at how he dealt with his foolish disciples in the Upper Room; consider his example of washing their feet. Become like Him by beholding Him in his word.

4. Consider your own unworthiness

True sympathy does not begin until you come to terms with your own wretchedness. The unmerciful servant, forgiven a huge debt, choked his fellow servant over a tiny debt because he lost sight of his own unworthiness. Remember your wretchedness and the tender-heartedness of God towards you in Christ. It will help you sympathise with others’ pain when you are tempted to think that they don’t deserve it. Neither did you!

Footnote: Tough Love and a Tender Heart

We live in a culture of victimhood. So many people now wear their ‘victim’ status as a badge of honour, that it can make some Christians sceptical of any talk about the need for sympathy. That scepticism is not unfounded, after all, empathy is the new buzzword, and empathy has been weaponised. People have been taught to see themselves as victims, and told they are excused from responsibility and need only more empathy. Tragically, the Church has bought the lie that victims must be given empathy and not truth. “Before you judge a man, you need to walk a mile in his shoes,” we are told.

That kind of talk has successfully silenced many in the church, who have now turned the church into a place of acceptance and empathy instead of being the pillar and buttress of the truth. However, the true church must keep hold of the reality that people are not exempt from needing to hear the truth just because they’re hurting. We cannot be silenced by the demand for empathy.

With that said, however, the church cannot afford to become a place where true sympathy and tender-heartedness are missing, because somehow we feel that tough-love is needed in order to tell people the truth! We need both tough love and a tender heart.

Jesus was more sympathetic and tender-hearted than anyone in history, yet this did not stop him from speaking the truth in love. We must have both, not just one or the other. May God grant us help to hold on to both. Tender-hearted sympathy, AND lion-hearted truth-speaking. By living out both, we will shine our hope in front of a watching world.